Saturday, October 29, 2005:
aiyo. my blog's dead. no one's tagging either. HAIII. oh well. i guess its cos its o's. BLEAH. makes me feel so unloved. but what to do. its o's. sigh.
november is coming. and then december, and then jan and then its adios. frankly. up till now. i still dont know whether its good to go or not. lets list the pros and cons.
PROS- i can take TAF which is obviously an easier form of a's
-its aust! X) and it'll be a whole new experience and everything. new school, new life.
-i'll get more friends (hopefully)
-the sales are crazy there
CONS-no friends, all are back home.. :'(
-no playing
-no blogging ):
-no using of any of my normal email accts
sigh. obiviously. i'm getting no where.
bleah. and i'm drowning. i better not think too much. exams exams exams first. then play play play. and gosh. it seems like everyone's doing so much more than i am. bleah. there's just so much that i cant let go off, there's just so much that i need to hang on to, there's just so much that i cant leave behind or forget. god, where do i go from here?
i wish i could just run, run awayand never come backgod you are faithful till the endwhen i fall you're there to pick me upwhen i stumble you're there for me to hold on tonever leave me alonecos i need youmore than anythinggod you are going to make everything alright right?
hold me in your arms never let me goi want to spend eternity with you
a shout of praise.
9:05 PM
Sunday, October 23, 2005:
you know what, sometimes i wish i was supergirl, a girl who knew how to handle every situation under the sun. especially when there are thunderstorms and typhoons, supergirl will know how to save the day. sometimes i wish i had supernatural powers. sometimes i wish i had supersonic memory. and even more so i wish i had ultra sensitivity. at least then i'll know how to save myself from not just the evil o level exams, as well as to deal with my emotions.
but then again. i'm not supergirl.
so maybe thats what god is for. god is my supergod. he's there to keep me sane, to keep me feeling safe. there to clear my cumolonimbus clouds away before the heavy storms start to pour. there to calm the plates when they start to slide past, move away, or collide. or even there to extinguish the volcanoes before they start to spew acidic lava. all before they kill me and bury me. and then maybe if i'm lucky enough i'll become coal. or petroleum gas. or maybe crude oil. then at least i'm useful. sigh. i dont even know what i'm talking about man. but anyway. god is there. bottomline.
did comparative studies on morals in sunday school today. someone brought up a point about how being a christian is difficult because you have to be sincere, you have to mean what you do. its not just about you. its about how the holy spirit works in you and you manifest it because you mean it. its about god, and how you want to tell the whole world and want to share of his goodness so that everyone, the more the better, can be saved. its hard. but with god's strength and his power, we all know we can do it. because we believe, we can do it.
so. chem prac tmr at bishan again. then back to btp to study. long day tmr. so i better sleep soon.
you know something? i feel somewhat comforted by the fact that god will be watching over me through my entire o level period.
goodnight.
We stand and lift up our handsFor the joy of the Lord is our strengthWe bow down and worship Him nowHow great, how awesome is HeAnd together we singHoly is the Lord God AlmightyThe earth is filled with His gloryHoly is the Lord God AlmightyThe earth is filled with His gloryThe earth is filled with His gloryWe stand and lift up our handsFor the joy of the Lord is our strengthWe bow down and worship Him nowHow great, how awesome is HeAnd together we singEveryone singIt's rising up all aroundIt's the anthem of the Lord's renownAnd together we sing,everyone sing-
holy is the lord, chris tomlin
a shout of praise.
9:18 PM
Thursday, October 20, 2005:
watched the 9pm show on channel 8 just now, and i liked what that guy said. tomorrow will be a better day. :D yes yes. so no need to fret. i'll be okay... tomorrow.
you know. sometimes god purposely ignores us because he wants us to suffer. and through our suffering we know that he's the only one we can depend on and trust on for the help that we need. the help that will only help us to conquer whatever's happening and whatever's going through our lives. so we get stronger by faith through him. i just realised that today. and i'm glad i did. cos it just goes to show how smart god is.. how he planned all this to make us
true believers of him. god is just so amazing isnt he?
only by grace
can we enteronly by grace
can we standnot by our human endeavourbut by the blood of the lambinto your presence you call usyou call us to comeinto your presence you draw usand now by your grace
we comenow by your grace
we comelord if you marked our transgressionswho will standthanks to your grace we are cleansedby the blood of the lambinto your presence you draw us
and now by your grace we come
now by your grace we come-only by grace
a shout of praise.
10:05 PM
Tuesday, October 18, 2005:
with god there's nothing to fear. i can make it. and i can do it.
Gloriously
You saved me, You saved me
So miraculously
You made me brand new
You welcomed me
With open arms, open arms
Unfailingly
Your love is a river, soI will praise You
I will praise You
I'll praise Your name forever and a day
And I'll live for You into eternity
I'll praise Your name forever and a day
And I'll live what I sing, what I say
What I'm learning every day
Generously
You gave me, You gave me
Marvelously
You made me, You made me
Relentlessly
I'll follow, I'll follow
Your majesty
Breathtaking, so beautiful-forever and a day, hillsong
a shout of praise.
9:51 PM
Monday, October 17, 2005:
these few days. i've been like in my own world. i have no idea why either. just study, eat, watch tv, use the computer, talk on the phone, sleep. like, life is getting so routine. not that its boring. it just feels like, there's no reason for my existence. i feel small. overlooked. everyone seems to be having some kind of life, and here am i, feeling so dazed. feeling so lost. feeling like there's nothing here for me anymore. there's no meaning in my life. like, when i'm by myself, i just. stone completely. stare into space. dont even know what i'm thinking about. and my mind's a complete b-l-a-n-k. like i've reached nirvana. or something. i dont even trust myself to be alone and do nothing for a minute. its scary you know. and people think i'm angry or pissed or moody because of my blank look. :\ shrugs. i have absolutely no idea why. do i look that scary? i dont even know what i think about.
bio pract tmr. dont even know whether i'm ready. thank goodness that i'm in the third shift. at least i've got time to worry and be scared and cram more stuff. which makes me wonder now why the heck i'm here online blogging.. haiya. this is bad.
better go. ):
The splendor of a King, clothed in majesty Let all the earth rejoice All the earth rejoice He wraps himself in Light, and darkness tries to hide And trembles at His voice Trembles at His voice How great is our God, sing with me How great is our God, and all will see How great, how great is our God Age to age He stands And time is in His hands Beginning and the end Beginning and the end The Godhead Three in One Father Spirit Son The Lion and the Lamb The Lion and the Lamb Name above all names Worthy of all praise My heart will sing How great is our God How great is our God, sing with me How great is our God, and all will see How great, how great is our God-How Great Is Our God, Chris Tomlin
a shout of praise.
9:40 PM
Sunday, October 16, 2005:
i'm super duper ultra B-O-R-E-D. i think i've lost all the steam to chug the boat on. ahhh. what am i talking about. i have lost all my brains la. its so tragic. my marks for chemistry have been sliding! i just did a paper and i did so badly. couldnt answer so many question properly.. aiyah. its not me la. its just the paper right? hahha. okay. i'll be fine.. i hope.
and life has not been getting any better, friends, my own walk with god. but all in all. i trust that god will be faithful, god will be there for me. i wont have to worry, right?
my brother's birthday will be here soon, he's another year older, and probably another few cm taller. and its another day of play play play. AIYAH i better stop this. there's this like evil spirit in me or something which keeps telling me to play and feel
nuah and not do my work. :\ i better stop giving in to it. pffft. hahha, just heard him telling his fren that "my sister sure
pang seh me one". [whats with all the dialect mannn. i nvr understand them. i just sort of get the gist.] i dont want to disappoint him, but i dont want to go down either.. i rather study or use the com or something. ha. oh well.
ladilaaa. i'm feeling tired. better go sleep soon la. its going to be a long day of studying tmr. again. -groans-
Lord, my heart cries out
glory to the King
My greatest love in life, I hand You everything
Glory, glory I hear the angels singOpen
my ears, let me hear
Your voice
To know that sweet sound
Oh my soul rejoice
Glory, glory, I hear the angels singYou're a Father to the fatherless
The answer
to my dreams
I see you crowned in righteousness
We cry glory to the KingComforter to the lonely
The lifter of my head
I see You veiled in majesty
We cry glory,glory
We cry glory to the King
We cry glory glory
We cry glory to the King-glory to the king, hillsong
a shout of praise.
9:45 PM
Saturday, October 15, 2005:
you know. no matter how big or tall i am on the outside, i still feel small and little on the inside.
a shout of praise.
10:53 PM
i'm being sentimental again. ): watched the video that the tchers made us for the upteenth time. ahhh. i really really dont wanna leave already.. ): all the love that mg has showered upon me for the last ten years.. (TEN!) and its all going to go like that.
`the same uniform that we put on everyday.. i can even wear it and pin my badge on with my eyes closed..
`all the million times i've walked (even ran) up that hill
`the pink and blue building that i've practically lived in for the past ten years.
`all the super affordable canteen food (esp the yong tau fu stall with its special blend of bean soup that you cant find else where)
`the teachers who come to school everyday rain or shine (with the exception of mr tay)
ms tan's drumstick, mr yeo's love for picking on mey and jiajia, mrs cheong's blond jokes, how mr tay's forever taking sick leave, mrs chen for always being such a
qian jing xiao jie, miss sim's really
really loud laugh, lao shi's nagging, mrs ong for her LORMS, how mrs chong ALWAYS talks about her sons and omg, her rainforest (X , mrs chan for forever making us run two rounds and closes one eye when we run only one, mr ng's cooking (YUMMY! :D ).. all the tchers la.. :(
`the exam hall where we've been in since psle days
`all the camps that we've had in school - p5, sec 1 orientation, LTC '03 nov, LTC '04 june, dec.
`chapel! DJW esp.. ):
`the graduating class of 2005..
i cant believe i'm going to walk up one morning and find that the uniform that i'm putting on is not blue and white but maroon and black. sighhh. this is getting depressing. ):
oh well. as our speaker for baccalaureate svc said, once an mg girl, always an mg girl. I LOVE YOU MGS! thank you for giving and providing me everything i've ever needed for the past ten years, you have really moulded me to what i am today. :D
MG RAWKS!
with loving hearts and joyous song
we sing to MGS
and tell the fame of their fair name
for we can do no less
we hope that we may honour bring
and heaven ever bless our school
the fairest in the land our own dear
down through the years of memories
will keep a loving place
for friendships made and pleasures shared
and lessons learnt apace
for those who worked and gave their best
that we might learn to face the trials
of life and faith and hope and nobly
and now we're proud to raise the SHOUT
and sing of MGS
lift high her banner one and all
her name we now profess
in work and play for honours won
today our hearts confess the debt
we owe the love we hold for our dear
M-G-S.
-
school song (:
a shout of praise.
8:21 PM
Friday, October 14, 2005:
today.. today was a whole chain of events, giving me a whole lot of feelings which like, totally ranged to the extremes.
_
overwhelmed. with studies and everything. bio was really getting very nerve-wrecking.. like. practical's coming up and i really dont know a single thing that i'm supposed to know. just.. great. you know? haixx.
_
melancholic. last day of school.everyone was snapping pictures and all. really like. waaa. our last time and all, together in school. plus, the baccalaureate svc that we had. mann. we all really teared like crazy.. :'( i love MG. i really do.. all the 10 years of memories. all the love and joy and sorrow and craziness shared with my cohort. i'm really in awe, with all the bonds that we all have. the togetherness, the fellowship, its just so amazing. and all the teachers.. they're really really nice.. all the hard work they've done, all the scolding and cursing and screaming they've done to us, you realise that they actually love you so much and want the best for you.. and they've done so much for us, and they've moulded us into what we are today.. I LOVE YOU MGS TEACHERS! [especially ms tan and mr yeo! mummy and daddy! :):):) ] they made us a video and gave all of us a copy.. sighhh. its so.. haixx. dont know what to say la. touching? putting together everything for us, all the love that they have showered.. giving us the best gift that i've ever recieved. it really really shows how much effort was put in and all... especially longest day... [i mean come on la. i've never heard of ANY other sec 4s from other schools talking about how
their teachers threw such a baccalaureate svc for them.. ] ahhh.. and its all going to go just like this. ): nehhhhh. i dont want to go aust already la..
This road that we travel may it be the straight and narrowGod, give us peace and grace from You, all the dayShelter with fire, our voices we raise still higherGod, give us peace and grace from You, all the day through_
ticklish. haha. oh man. went for medical check up today.. it was like whole body check up and all.. so the doc had to like put the stethoscope on my chest to feel my heartbeat and all and i really couldnt stop laughing and wriggling. the poor doctor couldnt hear my heartbeat and i think he kept getting it wrong cos he kept telling me to stop moving. but i really couldnt help it! it was really too ticklish la. the stethoscope was too cold.! haha. and he said the mg uniform was some kind of weird contraption. haha. had so many layers. WAHHHHH. how can he insult the uniform. its so unique,so special okay.. its the best uniform EVER. :D
_
happy. went to see drew today. and he looked alot better. really. i thought he was healing better or something. and his parents and daniel was there and all. he sounded better. so i was feeling quite happy about it. hoping he could get out earlier...
_
tired. a math tuition la. who wouldnt feel drowsy during tuition. hahha. the aircon was nice and cold somemore. hehhehe. really conducive env for sleeping.. :D hahhaha. kept talking to hannah and the guys.. ha. it was really quite fun actually la. and poor ms poa had such a tough time settling us down. hahhaa. oh well. at least we did our work.. at least half the paper i think. hehehe.
_
hungry. wah. by the time a math was over i was really really hungry la. i only had like what, 3 ice creams the whole day. my stupid braces still makes my teeth hurt.. so we [ me, glenn, howard] were walking back when suddenly, i dunno how it happened, howard just said, "eh there's a cab" and he disappeared into it, only leaving behind an sms saying that he was going to some church fellowship thing.hahahha. wahh. then left me and glenn on the pavement staring at the space that he was standing in a moment ago. anyway. then we went to mobil and glenn got me my 4th ice cream for the day.. :D hahhaa. thanks glenn! and i wasnt hungry anymore. hehehe.
_
scared. drew smsed to say that he had to go for another op cos the tube came out.. my goodness. i was so frightened. hope he's somewhat better now.. ): really really scary la. can you imagine if you were in his shoes, i think i would be crying until my eyes become really swollen la. i hate needles, i hate blood. but anw.. ANDREW! be strong okay.. you 've got alot of friends who are praying really hard for you.. you dont have to worry cos god's going to be there with you..he's holding your hand now and saying that he'll always be by your side, and he wants you to experience it. i'm not going to stop praying for you. and i'll be there.. promise k? going to be by your bedside soon! :D
_
lazy. i'm supposed to be doing work now.. BUT INSTEAD I'M HERE BLOGGING! :S what on earth am i doing.. but i need to get rid of some feelings la.. yeah. too much to handle. nehhhhh. and my brother wants to use the com. ): oh well. better go la.
I can't believe the way
Your love has got a hold on me
Each morning I wake to find You near
You lift me above my fears
And set my feet on solid ground
All of my days belong to You
And I breathe in Your breath of life that fills my heart
You are my all consuming fire
I stand here before You
In wide opened wonder
Amazed at the glory of You
The power of heaven
Revealing Your purpose in me
As I'm reaching for You-reaching for you, hillsong united
a shout of praise.
9:35 PM
Wednesday, October 12, 2005:
NEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. andrew khooo! get well soon!!! its so strange how it hapened, but anyway! i'll keep praying for you. and dont worry! there's a miracle waiting to happen for you. trust god and know that he's always there for you! (: and so am i..
feel too lazy to blog today. i'm kinda tired. and i dont wanna go school tmr. cos I CANT EAT! stupid braces.. :\ its making my whole mouth so painful and its giving me a terrible headache especially everytime when i
accidentally clench my teeth. or even when they just touch the slightest bit, it hurts so badly. ): i hate it when the doc tightens it so tightly. so uncomfortable.. ):
you know. true friends are really hard to find. when you find someone that you think that will stay your friend forever, it turns out that he or she starts blowing stuff up out of proportion, or starts talking bad stuff about you behind your back. now people. what kind of friend does that to you. its really. i dunno. sad. to think that you've been friends with that person for like, the longest time. its just so hurting to see that this ends up like this. what did i do to you man. if you dont seem to care about this whole friendship, then i dont want to waste my time bothering about it too..
Before the world began
You were on His mind
And every tear you cry
Is precious
in His eyes
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would comeNothing you can do
Could make Him love you more
And nothing
that you've done
Could make Him close the door
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come
Come to the Father
Though your gift is small
Broken hearts,
broken lives
He will take them all
The power of the Word
The power of His blood
Everything was done
So you would come- so you would come, hillsong united
a shout of praise.
9:36 PM
Tuesday, October 11, 2005:
what is her freaking problem. do i have a choice if i have to go to a dentist in australia because of my teeth? is it my fault that my teeth cant be finished by the time i leave? and wah lao. how am i to know that i'm going to australia at the beginning of last year right? what the hell is her problem man. and she was still saying that my teeth looks so much nicer now. she's really.. argh. i cant stand it. what did i do man.. i dont even know why i'm going. GRRRRRRRRR. i need to cool down.
i think me and my brother need some anger management classes. :
gosh. i dont know why everyone seems to be getting on my nerves nowadays. my tolerance is really swooping to an all time low. maybe its just the pre-exams stress. stupid o levels la. pffft. or maybe i'm just giving excuses. ah well.
hmmm. another thing i did yesterday. timely reminder to keep god in focus instead of letting life take over your decisions. how life seems to go on past without stopping, and you get so out of breath cos you get so rushed and stressed to keep up with.. life. sometimes, its a good thing to do to take a minute, just a minute, to just reflect on the little baskets of joy and love that life brings, the small miracles and wonders that god has done for you. hmmm. i think i need to listen to what i say.
god you know what, as much as i say that i only need you and you alone, and no one else in this world matters, but i wish you were right here with me, comforting me, guiding me, watching over me. god help me not to lose my trust in you. keep me strong and burning for you.you are the peace that guards my heart
my help in times of need
you are the hope that leads me on
and brings me to my knees
for there i find you waiting
and there i find release
so with all my heart i'll worship
and unto you i'll sing
for you alone deserve all glory
for you alone deserve all praise
father
i worship and adore you
father
i long to see your face
for you alone deserve all glory
for you alone deserve all praise
father
i love you
and
i worship you this day
- you alone
a shout of praise.
7:45 PM
Monday, October 10, 2005:
was bored while waiting for my mom at the road junction so i snapped alot of photos on my hp. and i photoshopped some. too tired to post an entry already la. need to sleep and all. heh. so i'll just put this photo up to see the beautiful night sky.. heeee. so green.
anyway. tmr's a long day. prob only going to be me kaye sam and clement, cos poor dean has art. haha. i really sympathise with you leh. why would a teacher keep you back until so late everyday. think her subject is the only subject meh. hahah. xiao
oh no. the low batt sign just popped up. telling me i need to go. so. heh. bye.
a shout of praise.
10:25 PM
found all these pictures in my dad's laptop, probably from his worship leading in church, so i decided to take it and make something simple, and i got this. (: its so wonderful how god loves us so much, how he sent jesus to take all our sin away. cant remember where i heard this story. imagine yourself being on trial at court, with jesus as your lawyer, and god as the judge. then as jesus presents your case, of all the sin that you've done, and pleads guilty for you. then just as god was about to sentence you to life imprisonment in hell. but jesus stops him and says that, "father, let me take the place for him, send me instead" and that was how he took our sins away, and how he died in our place, so that we can be saved. dont you feel ever so grateful for jesus? i do. and i'm thankful for him, i'm thankful for what he's given so freely to me. it really goes to show how much he loves us and cherishes us. i've never found such a wonderful father and friend. (:
what to say. life is getting worse, cos o's are coming, and the urgency to study is getting greater and greater, what more the stress, but ironically, its getting better, cos i know my father is there for me, every step of the way, i know jesus is there to hold my hand and walk me through it. PLUS, i've got the spirit to sustain me through all those foresee-able long nights, what more can i ask for? i've got everything i need. i'm all armed up for the battle of the nerve-wrecking, brain-juicing, energy-eating Os. ooooh. hahaha. i can do it! (: and so can all the sec 4s of our tiny island... GO GO GO GO GO! :D
poots. my brother has his EOY chem paper tmr and i have to help my brother cos my mom asked me to. heh. oh well. i shall be a kind and very nice sister to him. (but i doubt it cos he never gets it and my patience for him wears out every time i teach him. i really dont know how my dad can tahan him you know, teach him almost every subject. waaaa. peifu peifu..)
I can only imagine what it will be like when I walk by Your side
I can only imagine what my eyes will see when Your face is before me.
I can only imagine
Surrounded by Your glory what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for You, Jesus? Or in awe of you be still?
Will I stand in your presence? Or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing Hallelujah? Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine, I can only imagine
I can only imagine when that day comes
And I find myself standing in the Son
I can only imagine when all I will do
Is forever, forever worship You
I can only imagine
I can only imagine when all I will do
Is forever, forever worship You
-i can only imagine
a shout of praise.
7:29 PM
Saturday, October 8, 2005:
wah seh. clocked ten whole hours at btp today with kap. been there from 8 onwards to like 6 plus. it was crazy i tell you. but we got quite alot of work done, i think. i did alot.. heh. luckily i went out of the house, apparently my brother and my parents quarrelled again. if i was at home, i probably wont be able to concentrate at all. yeah. anyway.
tmr's another long day. brmc with kaye, clem, sam. then we're going to study. wonder how it was reduced to us four. when dean feels like it he comes. when he doesnt, he doesnt. so. i hope he studies. for his own good. claire! you were supposed to be part of our group! and what happened? migration to project care! you chicken neh-neh. haha. but i guess whatever helps you study. (: yupp. then there might be james. and drew. hmmm. dunno.
life seems to be revolving around my books these days. its getting really tiresome. and i hope i dont lose steam. watching the occasional tv, but once monday is over, its really time to stop watching the big black box. otherwise, i'll probably end up with a big fat F on my o level slip. ah. i'm getting so weary. but its okay. cos i know my god is there to carry me, jesus is there guide me, and the spirit is there to give me wisdom. so. i have everything i need. i love you so so much god.
time to go rest. its going to be a long day tmr. ciao.
and i know his love never fails...
a shout of praise.
9:33 PM
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. this little boy is SO SO SO SO SO CUTE!!!! (:(:(: went to btp to study in the afternoon today with the btp study grp and we saw this little boy today! (: he was plonked into this coin-eating-noise-making contraption by his father who just left him there alone while he went to eat his burger. HOW HORRIBLE! but anyway, that just gave us the chance to steal some photos of him. HEH. (: he's so so so adorable.! (:
ahhaa.i feel quite proud of myself today. i did quite alot of stuffs. and i dunno why, the minute i woke up, i felt the need to do stuffs. LALALA. feel quite happy. (:
1. 2 (two!!) SBQs for ss ( the acs(i) and india one)
2. chemistry ( acs(i) ) the entire paper
3. tuition homework
4. math
5. abit of bio
6. helped everyone with their questions (:
so here i am blogging again. HEH. i feel good. thats good. (: tuition was cool too. we just moved to like bukit timah shopping ctr, which is like really close to btp, can just walk over. so i dont have to leave btp so early to go for tuition. yupp. that reminds me. hahahha. the past few days we've been classifying guys under chivalrous or unchivalrous cos of the acs(i) prelim compre that we all just did. HEE! heres the list from tuition and the btp study group (: (1-unchivalrous, 10-chivalrous).
drew (sam, kaye, me) - 9 cos he offered to buy us food and drinks. (;
nicholas (sam) - (forgot, cos she claims that he really is) but he's her cousin! we'll see.. ha
clement (kaye, sam/claire) - 0 HAHAHAHAH. / probably 10 right claire? haha (i have no comments)
dean (kaye) - 3, slightly better apparently
mikey (me) - 9! cos he walks on the outside of the pavement. (:
howard (me, shyna) - err. very low la. i walked with him to his house ytd, not the other way ard. >:(
xiang&ho (me, shyna) - even LOWER. HEHEHHEHE.
glenn (me) - at least 7 cos he walked me home from tuition even though he lives on dunearn road (:
yepp. that was the people we put on our list. HAHHA. i think it was hilarious. the things aci teachers come up with. i bet the paper was set by a female teacher, HAHA. wanted to teach the aci boys to be more chivalrous and less chauvinistic. heee.
tmr, another whole day of studying. (: at btp.. again. yupp. long and weary and tiring but absolutely necessary! (: gonna be there from 8 again. heh. anyone joining? hahahha. call the btp hotline! 1800-BTP-studygrp (:
Father, hear my prayer
I need the perfect words
Words that he will hear
And know they're straight from You
I don't know what to say
I only know it hurts
To see my only friend slowly fade away
So maybe this time I'll speak the words of life
With Your fire in my eyes
But that old familiar fear is tearing at my words
What am I so afraid of?
'Cause here I go again
Talkin' bout the rain
And mulling over things that won't live past today
And as I dance around the truth
Time is not his friend
This might be my last chance to tell him that
You love him
But here I go again,
Here I go again
Lord, You love him so, You gave Your only Son
If he will just believe; he will never die
But how then will he know what he has never heard
Lord he has never seen mirrored in my life
So maybe this time
I'll speak the words of life
With Your fire in my eyes
But that old familiar fear is tearing at my words
What am I so afraid of?
'Cause here I go again
Talkin' bout the rain
And mulling over things that won't live past today
And as I dance around the truth
Time is not his friend
This might be my last chance to tell him that
You love him
But here I go again,
Here I go... here I go...
This might be my last chance to tell him that You love him
This might be my last chance to tell him that You love him
You love him, You love him
What Am I so afraid
What am I so afraid
What am I so afraid of?
How then will he know
What he has never heard
-casting crowns, here i go again
p.s.: HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN, CLAIRE!! (:
a shout of praise.
8:45 PM
Wednesday, October 5, 2005:
today was a happy happy day. i think. haha. cept for something that sorta went wrong in school today, otherwise it was really SUNNY. (:
lalalala. hmm. dont really feel like blogging today la. just feel like slacking..
hmm. there's tuition tmr.. i cant wait. another fun day. and i'm not being sarcastic. HEHE. (:b
OH WELL. i shall not waste time then.
shall go sleep early cos its a long day tmr, and i'll be so tired by the time its tuition. YEPP.
to those two: i'm sorry about what happened today la. i'm ultra sensitive to what you all think and say about me and dont think i dont know what you guys were thinking, it was kinda obvious, so next time you all want to say things please say when i'm not around and dont shoot looks at each other right in front of me okay.? sigh. dont know why i was so affected by it, but i guess its just that i cant believe that you two of all people, would do this kind of thing, but i guess i'm just being really sensitive about this kind of thing, if you guys havent already realised. but anyway. i dont blame you two for thinking like that. its my fault too. yepp. but you guys are friends and you'll always be my friends. i just have to change this thing, and not care what others think of me. anw, just hope you all know that i really care about you all, and i will nvr want to lose you guys. so. yepp. i'll be okay tmr. dont worry. i'm always okay tmr. :D i love you two.
Oh what I would do to have The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in On to the crashing waves To step out of my comfort zone Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is And He's holding out His hand But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed The giant keeps on telling me Time and time again, "Boy, You'll never win!" "You'll never win!" But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!" And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory" Out of all the voices calling out to me I will choose to listen and believe The Voice of Truth Oh what I would do to have The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant With just a sling and a stone Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors Shaking in their armor Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand But the stone was just the right size To put the giant on the ground And the waves they don't seem so high From on top of them lookin' down I will soar with the wings of eagles When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus Singing over me I will listen and believe I will listen and believe The Voice of Truth I will listen and believe Cause Jesus you are The Voice of Truth And I will listen to you you are-
Voice of Truth, casting crowns
a shout of praise.
10:11 PM
Tuesday, October 4, 2005:
my mom thinks i'm not studying hard enough. maybe its true. i'm not putting enough effort. i really dunno what is alot anymore. everything i do seems to be so insignificant. will i really be able to do well at all for o's or not? mmm. everything seems so uncertain. i'm really worried for all the practicals. bio pract - i missed it cos of piano exam, and they went through today and now i wish i did it cos there's no more practs left for me to practice. then we went through chem pract today, another lousy grade. i really dont know whats wrong with my practicals la. i mean, everytime its just like a rollercoaster ride, some times get stangely high, then get an all time low, then back up again. what is this man, homeostatic reaction ah. sigh lor.
i finally got a new bio textbook. its mey's old text book. (: and its so nice and new. but devoid of all the notes that i have for this year. oh no. :\ what to do. sigh. some idiot took my beloved bio textbook and now i'm bookless. oh well. its not like jonathan tay's lessons are that useful anyway. thanks mey! (:
drew this with minty and rong today in class when school was going to be over. (: so prettayyy. hehhh. nice CASTLE eh? (:
love is patient. love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.- 1st cor 13:4-8
a shout of praise.
9:27 PM
yet another day with the btp gang. kaye and sam and i and dean, and guest starring drew. HEH. i think i dint do as much today. all my contact lenses' fault. :\ HARRUMPP. make me feel so sleepy. like now, i just took it off, and my eyes feel so, refreshed. (: its the contact lenses.
HA. i slept like at ten yesterday, and i woke up at 7.30. 7.30! wah kao. was so late for school. HEHE. sleep so much. no wonder i feel so awake.
hmmm. i feel kinda guilty for not wanting to play in the band for church anniversary this sunday. but i really have to stop all commitments. cos of the o's. and the way marvin was talking, he sounded really really disappointed and angry that i wasnt playing. what am i supposed to do man. i have to stop what. cant keep commiting time to the band and not study. : aiyah. i'm stuck. god what should i do.
you know what. i feel really scared that i wont do well for o's. like the marks i'm getting back for english are really really horrendous now, and i'm fearful of what the results might be. i mean, what will happen if i dont do well? i have no year 11 equivalent, then, i may not get the uni course i want, and i dont know what i'll do if i dont. how how how. i'm getting more and more stressed.
i think its very easy to say that i have faith but very hard to put it in action. i guess in times like these it just goes to show how much of it i have. and to really put it to the test. all i really really ask for is just to pass my humans, and hopefully get 12 points. hopefully. but it seems so difficult. i want to have faith that god will pull me through. i want to have the hope that i will do well. i want to believe that god's always there for me to guide me through all these. and i want to know that all my fears are just satan's way of putting me down.
ah well. all i can say is. krissy. you know that you can do it. trust in god, have faith in jesus, and believe that the spirit will work in you. you go girl.
another day tmr. i hope it's another day of laughter joy and love, along with seriousness, wisdom, and peace, with a dash of hope, faith and excitement.
god is great and his grace fills the earth fills the heavens
a shout of praise.
9:39 PM
its been a long and tiring week. loads of studying done (okay not loads, just more work than usual) long days studying at bukit timah plaza with kaye and sam.. and its all been rather productive. seeing them study gives me the drive to continue. i love this study group. (: (: thanks kaye for getting me into this! (:
anyway. went to brmc today instead of evangel, cos i wanted to cram more studying in. and i think i'll prob stay there all the way until o's are over. i really like the barker canteen. or maybe it was just the weather today. really breezy and cooling. love it. (: and the shine forth service was okay, not the usual feeling i get after ch or fc, but still okay. i think noel goh is super funny sometimes. when he preaches in school he tries to make jokes but it doesnt really make sense and all. hahaha. really funny. and he always sings his favourite song. cant remember it, but he sang it everytime i see him. like today, lovemg 2004, 2005.. and all. ha. (: and claire is SO obsessed with clay aiken. CLAIRE! dont be stupid.! oliver james is SO much better. :D
i had tuition today too.! didnt get lost! (: hurray. thanks to nic's wonderful directions, :D i got there. i double checked with the bus uncle if the bus went to cat high, and it did,so i hopped on, and guess what. it was only one stop away. WAH LAO. i felt so embarrassed. ask such a stupid question. i could actually walk there from the mrt. :\ HEH. went back to brmc to get kaye and sam, talked alot, and kaye invited us to the brmc youth camp!! (:(:(: i wanna go!!! lalalala.
i'm feeling tired... ): been sleeping late and waking up early the entire week, without any afternoon naps and all i can think about now is to go and lie in my comfortable bed. ahhh. that sounds so good. but i need to go bathe first. or my bed will be sticky. hahah.
better go la. sleep early, study early, end early, play early, talk on the phone early. :D secret formula. HEH. good night world. Zzz-
who am i that the lord of all the earth
would care to know my name
would care to feel my hurt
who am i that the bright and morning star
would choose to light the way
for my ever wandering heart
not because of who i am
but because of what you've done
not because of what i've done
but because of who you are
i am a flower quickly fading
here today and gone tomorrow
a wave tossed in the ocean
a vapour in the wind
still you hear me when i'm calling
lord you catch me when i'm falling
and you told me who i am
i am yours
i am yours
who am i that the eyes that see me sin
would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
who am i that the voice who calmed the sea
would call out through the rain
and calm the storm in me
whom shall i fear
whom shall i fear
whom shall i fear
i am yours
i am yours
- who am i, casting crowns
a shout of praise.
9:22 PM
drew this with minty and rong today in class when school was going to be over. (: so prettayyy. hehhh. nice CASTLE eh? (: